WINDOWS AND DOORS

        DESTRUCTION AND DISPLACEMENT

      Abeyi -   Sudan

Thousands of civilians were affected, first in 2008 and again in 2011, by the conflict in Abeyi, a town on the border between Sudan and South Sudan.

These photos were taken by Steven Hind and tell a story of killing, looting, disputes and tensions. This hospital was destroyed in the last fighting in 2011.

the shooting and looting

cause destruction and pain

women are raped

and children are maimed

all that remain

are ashes and ruins

disputes and tension

conflict and war

is it all about oil or is it the soil

senseless killing of innocent souls

soldiers, artillery

weapons and hate

the mighty Nile's spirit

with it's fertile floods

witnessed atrocities

and the violence of war

her spirit is crying

for freedom and peace  

20131204/jk

A TRIBUTE

 (a Cinquain poem)

      

disgrace
brought upon her
her childhood was taken
the screams silenced by two rough hands
wrecked!          

THE SWEETS AND TREATS SHOP

Entrepreneurs' Day at Panorama on a Monday morning.  Finally!  Counting days prior to a big event, like opening a new store, is nerve racking for any eight year old.  But, the counting paid off and the day was finally here.

Mommy was responsible for the stock and Granny lent a hand to set up shop. Not that Missy needed much help.  She did her homework and her business plan was in place.  Granny was a bit concerned about the nitty-gritties,  the this-and-the-thats.

A breeze, a little drizzle, a too small display area and a poster not properly visible, but Missy had everything under control. She kept her line of attack top secret and not even Granny, who usually has access to the inner-circle-secrets, knew what Missy's strategy was going to be on this Monday morning.

Granny looked around and realized that the competition was stiff.  Moms and Dads set up stalls that belong at a church bazaar or a flea market.  Banners, gazebos and state of the art treats.  Some couples used it as a platform to sell their Samoosas, Vetkoek or Made-in-China-stuff.  Some of the little store/stall owners looked quite out of place while Mommy and Daddy were stealing the limelight.

Once "Scarlett's Sweets and Treats Shop" opened its doors a new Missy was born.  She started advertising loud and clear for all to hear, "Ice-Lollies!!  Only 25 cents each!!  Popcorn only 25 cents each!!"
(Nowhere in South Africa is it possible to buy anything for 25 cents anymore, let alone a double size ice-lolly or a large packet of home-made, preservative free, low calorie popcorn.  Of course, she totally ignored the prices as advertised on the poster outside her shop.  That was determined by the Minister of Finance.

Missy was on a roll!!

Granny was nail-biting from a distance, but soon realized the shop-owner knew what she was doing;  She started selling immediately and mostly to the hunks of the school.  They could not believe their luck, not only a beautiful blue eyed entrepreneur behind the counter, but a double size ice-lolly for only 25 cents..

O course, boys got a better deal.  Buy one get one free.  Unfortunately girls did not get the discount or qualified for the specials.  The news spread like wildfire and it was not long before a queue was forming in front of S.S. & T.S.

Missy worked under extreme pressure and the exchanging of money did not always go according to plan.  Some customers got more change than they should have, some got less.  Gender, of course, played a role.

One little fella (I'm sure he had the hots for the shop owner) did not bother to wait for his change. "Don't worry, keep the change" (Do boys blush?)  He must have been frozen inside out, because of the number of ice-lollies he bought from Missy.

Looking back at this day, Granny knows for sure, Missy is capable of selling ice to an Eskimo.


The shop adjacent to S.S.& T.S. was run by a Mom and Dad who sold hotdogs.  It did not go well initially, because the queuing was at Missy's store.  And Missy, not for once, stopped advertising her product. "Buy one get 2 free!"  "Donuts only 25 cents each!!"

At one point the owner of the hot dog stand competitively pitched in "Hotdogs!!  Only R8 each!!  Hotdogs!! Only R8 each!!"  He only started selling cold hotdogs once Missy was gone.

Missy did not make any profit today.  She had to close her shop early as she ran out of stock.  So she raided the cash register and went shopping herself.  Granny stayed behind to count the losses and called the Minister of Finance to inform her that the day was a big success and a lot of networking was done, but
S.S. & T.S is bankrupt!

the affair

                                                                                                                            cold blistering nights

                                                                                                              serene moments of expression

                                                                                                  skilled hands and quivering obsession

                                                                                                        witnessed by the pale faced moon

                                                                                                                   euphonic echoes in the wind

                                                                                                       conceal the secret of their existence

                                                                                                                                                      tears

                                                                                                                                                  anguish

                                                                                                                                   and raw emotion

                                                                                                                cannot hide his wedding band

121212jk

                                                                                                                                
                            

Haiku

the Sing-Song Girl

tropical garden
barefoot she wanders alone
her last lover gone

MY FIRST HAIKU POEM

desire

it's way past midnight
staring at the moonlit sky
trembling in need

















131113jk

ek's ek

ek's n leunstoel filosoof
'n rusbank dromer, digter
ek's n middernag windloper
wat sterre tel en droom
ek's n vroegdag strandloper
wat seegoed wil verstaan
ek's n siel sonder grense
wat aanhou tot ek val








091113jk

GAP YEAR FOR GRANNIES

The end of 2013 is just a stone's throw away and  most of you are already in the end-of-the-year spirit. You are probably dog-tired, because of all the extra miles walked in 2013.  Some of you are ready for the splendid white beaches Africa has to offer, maybe a trip to Thailand or just a braai and relaxing at the pool.

Many of you  had a killer year just like me, but just as many had a wonderful and magnificent MMX111.

I have been neglecting myself for too many years and I have paid the price. The time has come to take care of my own psychological and personal well-being.  In 2014, I am going to do the things that matter most to me.

My 2013 boots are packed and sealed in a coffin to be buried under the rocks.  I will greet 2014, barefoot, with celebrity red toenails, my pareo cloth wrapped around my waist and of course, there will be Chopin in my ears - whatever else, there will be Chopin!

I'm looking forward to my granny-gap year starting mid-December. I have always strived to balance my wild and unpredictable with my sensible and practical. It is so typical and true of those born under the sign of Cancer. We are the nurturers of the world and also uncultivated and untamed and wholly passionate about life. Cancers are also creative, insane, ultimate freaks. But when your time on earth is running out, chances are you'll appreciate having a Cancer at your side.

I have no idea where the road to nowhere will take me as in the weeks and months ahead I travel the byways, across emerald green hills and the valleys just beyond.  I will sleep with the stars, dance with the wind and sing a song of wondrous discovery and joyful renewal.

 I'm going to make a difference in someone's life
        I am going to write a story or two. But most of all
                 I am going to be free.
                          The Freedom that Osho talks about.

Next year this time, I want to look back on 2014 and say " Tashi Delek!  I did it!"

Horizon

from home you have reached

the horizon here

from here to another

here you go

from there to the next

next to the next

horizon to horizon

every step is a horizon

count the steps

and keep the number

pick the white pebbles

and the funny strange leaves

mark the curves

and cliff around

for you may need

to come home again.

(kora)

                                        A special thanks to the people who make this journey possible
                                                                               I carry you in my heart

THE HOUR BEFORE MIDNIGHT

discussions and repercussions.
the hour before midnight
with its mystery and charm
he told her of George Sand and her lover Chopin
she dreamed of stilettos, the tango divine
he took off his boots and poured in the wine.
¡Oh qué alegría!


discussions and repercussions
with Juan in the night
his military in Majorca
early coffees in Valdemossa
the cradle of mankind and
the Olduvai gorge.
in depth discussions on Darwin
and dreams.

discussions and repercussions
in the hour before midnight
sharing family and friends
they dwelt in the past.
she revitalized his soul
with laughter and fun
he called her tenderly
his mysterious femme fatal.

discussions and repercussions
in the middle of the night
the wonder of kisses and culture
is it one or maybe two.
midnight chemistry
between countries and amantes
fascinations and apassionadas
nostalgia and dreams
intense and profound.


discussions and repercussions
in the hour past midnight
they got lost in translation
the prince disappeared
she opened the window
and let in the dark
buenas noches mi amante
sleep well for the night.

121013jk

Chopin Andante Spianato Op 22

WILL I EVER

will I ever see your face again
will I ever hear your voice
will I ever feel your touch
a second time
will I find the strength some how

to live a life without your voice
a silence like a grave.
will you ever lay a hand on me
once more
will you touch my soul again

your voice still echoes
in the dark
all that's left
a silent emptiness.
despair is not a sin.

81013jk.

THE ROAD AHEAD - INNER PEACE

"When your mind goes numb and understanding ends, stop thinking and start living."

                                          

The circumstances we are locked in, are most probably external, whereas conflict, like we all know, is internal. Take care of your inner conflict and the external will not matter much in the end. There is no difference whether you are a believer, a non believer or a disbeliever. Peace comes from inside.  

When we are in the grip of anger, insecurity and anxiety and our cards start tumbling, the hunt for that inner peace becomes an overwhelming necessity.

Most of us are constantly looking for that something, that someone that will bring the inner peace. A new job, a new city, a mink coat, a new husband, friend, lover, a face-lift or boob job.  Something that will make life better than what it is for us at the moment. We are constantly striving for the bigger and the better, in search for that peace we so desperately need.

I keep asking myself "Which part of me is me?" Is it my education, my career, my dress, my intellect, my memories? I am nobody but myself and that I guess, is where the conflict starts. Trying to be someone other than myself. On the road ahead I have to stop trying to be who someone wants me to be. Stop being the pretender, the claimant.  Stop being the people's pleaser or even worse, the carer. 

As a people's pleaser I see people around me as stronger and more powerful and myself as the weakest, and as a carer the people around me become weak and in need of me. Of course all this causes inner conflict and thus keeping us away from that much needed inner peace.

I need to do what's best for me - in the here and in the now.

Once our existential needs are met the need for inner peace and harmony arouse and needs to be fulfilled. Maslow's needs pyramid says it clearly. "The human being wants to be able to be himself and to permanently be able to experience inner peace, happiness and harmony".

One of the most vital needs of human beings is the need to be loved, cared for, accepted, appreciated and respected.  Feeling neglected hurts deeply. But not showing that love, care, respect and affection to others, is where we fail and inner conflict starts. We have to sow to be able to reap.  Karma- Cause and effect.

It's easy and comfortable to make ourselves emotionally numb when we are hurt, neglected or harmed. Hear no - see no - feel no. But the more we allow this behaviour to manifest in our lives the deeper we sink in that pit of self-pityness.  Where I do not have to care, love, admire or pretend.

Becoming free of that turmoil that is captured within me is not always easy. We rebel against it - we cling to the exact thing we need to let go to get that inner peace and in the end freedom.  To just be myself and be true to myself without interference from society, religion, culture and social order.

The Lotus growing from the mud and dirt, rises above it all and stands free in all it beauty. It lies within me to abandon the ways that create the bad effects in my life, recognize it and stop responding with anger, pain and rage. And get to the point where I can say I am truly at peace with myself.

         "Nothing external to you has any power over you" 

                                                                                                                                                                                         Ralph Emerson

FORGIVENESS

I studied some of my notes I made many years ago tonight.  (Meditation was not successful tonight)

My notes tell me to stop punishing myself.  I am not proud of what I have done, but I must move on for the sake of my health, my well being and those around me.  "Easier said than done, of course," I told my notes.

It also tells me to accept my emotions.  It is quite normal to be angry, to have intense fear for the future because of the loss.  It is ok to feel bitter, insecure and vulnerable.  It means I am facing my emotions and accepting them.  Now the hard work lies ahead - to set it right in the future.

Being unable to forgive someone requires a lot of energy.  But not forgiving myself makes me vulnerable, it makes me angry, because of the pain I experience, it makes me sad and the blame will eat me up.  Forgiving myself allows me to live in the now and put the past behind me.  I can never undo the past and I have no idea what will be thrown at me tomorrow, but I can make the best of today.  I remember our lecturer emphasized that for every person who has been hard on us, someone was hard on him/her.  So it lies within me to break that chain and become kind to myself.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet shed on the heel that had crushed it", said Mark Twain.

Ouch

Walking On Broken Glass by   Annie Lennox

You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew

But I don't care for sugar honey if I can't have you

Since you've abandoned me

My whole life has crashed

Won't you pick the pieces up

'cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass

Walking on walking on broken glass

The sun's still shining in the big blue sky

But it don't mean nothing to me

Oh let the rain come down

Let the wind blow through me

I'm living in an empty room

With all the windows smashed

And I've got so little left to lose

That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass

Walking on walking on broken glass

And if you're trying to cut me down

You know that I might bleed

Cause if you're trying to cut me down

I know that you'll succeed

And if you want to hurt me

There's nothing left to fear

Cause if you want to hurt me

You're doing really well my dear

Now everyone of us was made to suffer

Everyone of us was made to weep

But we've been hurting one another

And now the pain has cut too deep...

So take me from the wreckage

Save me from the blast

Lift me up and take me back

Don't let me keep on walking...

Walking on broken glass

Walking on walking on broken glass

MISSY AND ME IN THE LAND OF THE BRITS

Well what can we say?  Missy and I brought back loads of photos and tons of memories!  From the moment we set foot on the airplane in Cape Town it was excitement, starry eyes and lots of laughter all the way to the UK and after we arrived it was more of the same with the addition of healthy helpings of warmth, good cheer and hospitality.

So, it is only right and well deserving that we say a heartfelt thank you to Daddy, Ouma Sheila and all the UK family for making this possible.  We really had a great time!!  Meeting all of you was super cool and a real treat.  You made us welcome and feel at home and although Granny Africa could not always understand the Suffolk language, we enjoyed every minute of it.  We are grateful for all of you for your kindness, patience and understanding.  I am especially thankful for your outpouring of your attention and affection for Missy.  You even managed to give us a wonderful Christmas in July.

This past year has not been easy for our family.  Mommy was not well, we moved to Cape Town where the schools were choc a bloc and everything seemed  so chaotic and confusing.  It was a far cry from the tranquil and orderliness of our life back in Port Elizabeth.  The traffic alone in Cape Town was a nightmare and made this Granny pretty uptight.

How do we put our British memories in words.  Experiencing so many new things, new places and faces in 23 days, is almost too much.  But here are some of the things Missy and I will remember, talk about and dream about in the years to come.

Long walks and serious talks on British shores and outdoor spaces.

California Beach UK

A walk in the Wild.

Fun in the summer sun.

Southwold

Riding carousel horses

Pleasurewood

Or Laura’s real ones.

Meeting the coolest aunt ever and dressing up Molly  was never ending fun!  We finally met the cousins and I must say Missy was chuffed and Granny impressed.

We turned Ouma Sheila’s house upside down and Scarlett tried to teach Sydney (the 16 year old deaf, blind, sick  and very old Jack Russell) a trick or two.  Of course, without any success.

We enjoyed ice-creams and Crispy Cream Donuts, Spotted Dick, Yorkshire Puddings, Hobnobs and Daddy’s special Sunday treats.  We had high tea and low tea and heavenly cappuccino moments.

A Magnum Moment

Daddy's a super chef!

Travelling by bus, by train, by car or on Granny Africa’s neck – was all part of exploring England.  Leaving our footprints on London’s underground was something we had to do at least once.

Waiting for the train to London

Liverpool station

Bascule Bridge Lowesthof

Hitching a ride

We saw the Queens Castle and a new Prince was born.  We chased randy rabbits, greedy goats, dazzling ducks and squeaking squirrels.  We did not like the Dungeons and Daddy carried his girl for hours on end.  The London Eye was too high and Big Ben was proud to tell us the time.

Buckingham

Big Ben

Buckingham

London Eye

We drove through the country side and saw old churches and castles that are centuries old.  The scars of the wars can be seen in the graves,  memorials and statues  - heroes of the past, tell a tale of it’s own.

Kessingland

Beccles

Beccles

                         




                                    We met the locals and found them absolutely awesome.

           We smashed empty bottles at the recycling center in town which was a treat all it’s own.

We discovered a piece of Africa hidden in the South of England.  The beat of the African drums made us miss home.  The Zulus entertained the crowds and my soul said:  I’m proud to be a South African!!

Tattoos are displayed on old and or young and shoppers and seniors drive around in funky mobility scooters.

We traveled on highways and byways, we strolled through alleys and valleys and played in the park.

Hyde Park

Unfortunately, nothing is permanent.  We are safely back home in our beloved Africa
.
Back to the future.

                                       Reality. What a concept.

                                                                       But, the adventure continues.