I studied some of my notes I made many years ago tonight. (Meditation was not successful tonight)
My notes tell me to stop punishing myself. I am not proud of what I have done, but I must move on for the sake of my health, my well being and those around me. "Easier said than done, of course," I told my notes.
It also tells me to accept my emotions. It is quite normal to be angry, to have intense fear for the future because of the loss. It is ok to feel bitter, insecure and vulnerable. It means I am facing my emotions and accepting them. Now the hard work lies ahead - to set it right in the future.
Being unable to forgive someone requires a lot of energy. But not forgiving myself makes me vulnerable, it makes me angry, because of the pain I experience, it makes me sad and the blame will eat me up. Forgiving myself allows me to live in the now and put the past behind me. I can never undo the past and I have no idea what will be thrown at me tomorrow, but I can make the best of today. I remember our lecturer emphasized that for every person who has been hard on us, someone was hard on him/her. So it lies within me to break that chain and become kind to myself.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet shed on the heel that had crushed it", said Mark Twain.
My notes tell me to stop punishing myself. I am not proud of what I have done, but I must move on for the sake of my health, my well being and those around me. "Easier said than done, of course," I told my notes.
It also tells me to accept my emotions. It is quite normal to be angry, to have intense fear for the future because of the loss. It is ok to feel bitter, insecure and vulnerable. It means I am facing my emotions and accepting them. Now the hard work lies ahead - to set it right in the future.
Being unable to forgive someone requires a lot of energy. But not forgiving myself makes me vulnerable, it makes me angry, because of the pain I experience, it makes me sad and the blame will eat me up. Forgiving myself allows me to live in the now and put the past behind me. I can never undo the past and I have no idea what will be thrown at me tomorrow, but I can make the best of today. I remember our lecturer emphasized that for every person who has been hard on us, someone was hard on him/her. So it lies within me to break that chain and become kind to myself.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet shed on the heel that had crushed it", said Mark Twain.
Soos gewoonlik het jy 'n verskriklike goeie aanvoeling vir die waarheid Jo. Ek het dit geniet om weer van jou te lees.
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